I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
