I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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