Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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