Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
