I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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