She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
