so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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