Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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