My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
