Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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