We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
