I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
