Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
