He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
