When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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