East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
