yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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