there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
