so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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