I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
