btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
