I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
