Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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