we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
