he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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