i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
