dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
