Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
