I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
