I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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