I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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