where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
