Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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