I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is Oprah even human
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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