i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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