she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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