I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
