this boner is exhausting
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
