i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well you can't waste a boner
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
