i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
