um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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