Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
