well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
