I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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