i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
