I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
