he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize