hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize