Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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