Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
