You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
