"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize