im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
