you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
