Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
