Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
