After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
