I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your dad touched me again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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