do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
