After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
