saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
