I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
