she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My vagina just recognized that song.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
