i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
