I showed him my bush... on skype.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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