He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
