theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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